"this feeling in us"

​by C. Ikpoh

Have you ever felt something so dangerous, every fiber in your being told you to discount your own sanity? Indeed, unfathomable is the existence of such an emotion. Yet, it can exist. For me, it is as real as the air that inflates my chest; life-giving and powerful, it is absolute in its strength. There exists no farewell, and it is a sensation that stays with you forever. It is everlasting. This thing, this feeling, it crystallizes your heart, deadening it. Simultaneously though, it also transforms your heart into the most priceless ruby. This emotion is miraculous, and all of this is in You.
 
I've never loved that which never was as I love You. Alas, it is much too late to be. It is too late to cry. The times for tears have passed us like ships in the night. It is something neither of us will ever know. All there is now is what I feel: an inescapable danger to my entire world. But you... you satisfy my entire being. To gain you would be to gain my soul but lose the world, as fate will not stand for insubordination to its supremacy. It will only mock me, replaying those voiceless days spent near one another, inflicting regret exponentially. And as I crumble from the weight of yearning to change history, my spirit catches fire as I realize there is no living another past. The present is the sole reality; the present that sees us so close, yet, so far while the universe continually whispers, "It is too late." Lingering hope is my only weapon against the taunts, and that hope is in You.
 
All I can do is try to be happy in the face of lost fulfillment. To just touch you, feel you, lay in bed with you, oh... just once is all I ask. To just keep you satisfied as you do for me would be all I want. Never would I ask for a single thing from you but for you to keep being dangerous. Keep threatening my sanity. It may be too late for the past, but there may exist a future. Am I wrong to hope for a ripple in time and space to claim this emotion with you on another plane separate from what is real? Allow me this, I beg of you, for it is your smile that triggers the winds which brush the water's surface. You cause the ripples. It is in You.
 
It is an indisputable truth. All of this -- my world of forbidden dreams once able to be realized -- is in your voice. The sound of it strokes my masculinity. Your eyes warm my arrival and your lips call to my imagination. Your neck invites my lust with each movement and inhalation, accentuating the V-shaped space defining the gap between your shoulders that display an enigmatic femininity. Lust is too inept a description for the connection attached to this dangerous feeling. What exists is supernatural. It defies the laws of nature. One singular moment has you as my wife and my lover; as my queen and my angel you become my everything. No experience is greater. Alas, no experience has ever existed. Nor shall it. What this is, is in You. And now, it is in me.